Lately ive been plagued with issues concerning rships. Abt how people in general perceive a woman and a man in a rship. How a man and woman can only be in a rship when there are emotions involved and when a rship built entirely on companionship without emotional ties to it, it's deemed not right.

It's normal for men to be in a rship out of pure physical needs. Heck.. i prettie much think that men in general look for a rship where there's less emotional commitment, until they find someone who they fall in love with. Otherwise, a no-emotional rship would suit men just fine.

And people in general accept that being a common nature with men.

But put a woman into that scenario. It becomes a *totally* different thing altogether. Women who chooses to be in a no-emotional rship are taken as... well... immoral? Can i use such a word? Ala2 jalang la, pendek kata.

But why d difference in opinion then?


Sometimes, a non-comittal, no-frills, no-emotional-commitment thingy is wat a person needs. Especially for someone who has gone through and seen it all type. Rships scare me. Seriously. It does. Commitment. Emotional attachment.

Dont get me wrong. If given a choice, id definitely want to be in a rship with a man who loves me as much as i love him. Who doesnt want to get married okie? Since i was a kid, ive always dreamed of marriage, family, kids, happily ever after.

Ive just gotten a bit... jaded. And scared.

Scared of putting my emotions into one person and risking of getting hurt. Adoii. Ive gone through enough pain and disappointment to last me a lifetime. And ive seen d actual situation of some so-called-happy-marriages.

Where d wife is living in oblivion that her husband is playing around with some other woman behind her back.

*sigh*

Yes, folks. Im chicken scared shit of that same thing happening to me. I mean... i dont want to be in a marriage where im constantly thinking whether is my husband f*cking another woman behind my back. That aint a life i want to live till d day i die, ok.

.. and yet, i yearn for some form of....

... security and stability in my life.

*sigh*

Ntah la. Im thankful for my life, how its been so far. But some nights... it gets harder and harder to stop that pang of loneliness hitting me. Thats why i find that non-comittal rships suit me just fine now.

... i dont make sense do i?

Well, let me put it this way. Im afraid of commitments, yet i yearn for some form of companionship. Im worried that my bf/ husband/ fiance/ lover/ partner goes off with another woman behind my back, so i look for a person that's able to provide me all that, yet help me mantain my emotional independency.

... its not that all complicated. Wierd. Confusing. But not complicated.

For now anyways.

Especially when ure stuck in love with someone who doesnt love u back. Urghh... dont let me go there.

Okie. Fine. No. I dont think im *in* love with someone. At least i knw that i wudnt die for him nor do i hold any hope that he might one day love me back. No. Im deeply in lust with someone. Yes, he makes me happie just hving him around. Yes, i dream abt him. And yes, he can make me laugh and cry at d same time.

But i dont think im in love with him yet. Not yet. But i do knw that i miss him on odd days. And i cry abt him on other days. Maybe it's dat issue of not hving him in d first place, dats making me harbor all this sickening obsession with him.

Coz when people ask me why hes able to make me feel this way... i cant answer them. I just tell them, i like the way i feel when he's around. I feel happie.

So no. Im not in love with him. Im just madly obsesses and in lust with him. Doesnt help that he fulfills *all* the requirements i  physically look for in a man.

Gorgeous hands. Dropdead jawline. And his shoulders... demmit.


... im trailing off here arent i? Short attention span people. Sorrie.

Guess i better stop while im not rambling full speed ahead. Hadeih. C ya later folks. Ciao!